Kiki’s Korner

I needed some down time. I needed something to get Friday’s accident out of mind. I needed to be surrounded by loved ones, doing nothing of great importance, outside of making sure the beer was cold enough to satisfy our thirst.

I needed this weekend.

The weather was perfect. The crab was fresh. The beer was cold (I did my job right). It was a hum dinger and I am grateful I was able to take this time to be with my family.

I probably won’t get a chance to see mom and dad again until Christmas time, but already making plans as I love hanging at the beach house. Just wish it wasn’t a six (6) hour drive away.

On May 13, 2008 I started a little project called ‘365 days of me‘ where you take a photo of yourself, everyday for one year, all in an effort to capture your mood, your actions, your life.

My vanity project came to an end yesterday.

It is kind of cool to scan back through your photos and see where you were, what you were feeling and who you spent time with. Looking back, the last 365 days has me: Losing a job. Gaining a job. Also gaining another 10 pounds. Traveling. Spending more time than I should with our cat Ele. Being sick. A lot.

And one of the days found me in the bathroom, finally removing my belly button ring. Seems silly I know, but I had kept it as a reminder of my youth and my desire to get back in shape so I could wear it proudly. Realizing I had just turned 40, and I had not been to the gym in over a month…it had to come out.

I enjoyed the project, but will admit it started to get hard around month nine as you try to figure out creative ways to capture yourself without repeating shots. There are way too many shots of me staring into the webcam, but it was easy and, hopefully, each one was different enough to tell the story of that day.

I am glad I stuck with it for all 365 days and am now looking for my next project. Thinking something centered on food. Maybe one meal from everyday. Might just help me figure out where all these calories are coming from…

Not sure what possessed me to torture myself like this, but I went out and bought myself a Wii Fit*.

I set the bugger up. I step onto the balance board. It lets out a little sigh. It proceeds to tell me I am a fat ass and turns my svelte avatar into the fatty that you see on this screen. Nice.

I am fat. 50 pounds overweight to be exact. My scale tells me that every day…for free!

I sit here contemplating why I just spent $100 on this contraption (included the sleeve that protects it from your stinky and sweaty feet), when I decide to go through the menu to see what else it can beat me down on before I package it up and ship it back to Amazon. For giggles, I decide to try out their yoga. 45 minutes later, I have blown through the yoga, did some strength training and played a couple of balance games.

I am hooked.

Best part of it, I woke up the next day feeling these things…I think some people call them ‘muscles’…in my sides that were a bit sore from the ‘workout’ the day before.

What do you know, Nintendo might be on to something. ‘Playing’ a video game has the potential to help me shed a few pounds off this fat ass and might just possibly turn me into a phat ass. ::fingers crossed::

*DISCLAIMER: The Wii Fit link above does go to my Amazon referral page. If you click on it and choose to order the system, I think I will make something like $1.

Cremate me. Please.

This might seem like a premature request, seeing as I am a fairly healthy 41 year old woman who recently went head to head with a mammogram machine and won, but a recent visit to my grandmother’s grave site made me realize how important this little bit of info is to me.

I want to be cremated.

Burn baby burn.

Disco inferno.

It is a conversation I have had with my parents (they have expressed a wish to do the same thing). I have spoken to my husband about this. I now put this in writing to seal the deal.

It all circles around the guilt I feel for not visiting the grave sites of the loved ones gone before me. It is not the lack of caring for these loved ones, merely I do not want to remember them as they are now – locked in a casket, 6 feet underground with nothing but a tombstone to mark their place in this world.

I would rather remember them as they were. When they were alive.

Case and point, my grandma. She passed in August of 1994 after her heart decided, two surgeries later, it just did not wish to pump anymore. She was a huge part of my life, and was the center of the universe in my dad’s family. While we knew she was not doing well, her passing was unexpected and was a huge blow to our family (so much so, her lack of presence is still felt to this day).

I am typing this now, feeling like an asshole as I admit this past weekend was only the third time I had visited her grave site in 15 years. Once immediately after her passing, once in 2006 and then this past weekend. And you know what brought me there in 2006 and 2009? Woolfcamp. It just so happens the venue is about 300 feet away from the cemetery where my grandpa, grandma and cousin are buried. Had I not attended this event, I would not have gone anywhere near this place.

Even more embarrassing, both times (in 2006 and this past weekend) I spent 30+ minutes trying to find her grave site. So stupid. I knew where it should be, but had a hell of a time finding it. This drama around the location combined with the guilt of not visiting more and then the weird sensation of ‘well, what do we do now that we found it’ really solidified the fact I do not wish to be put in the ground.

I love you grandma. You helped shape who I am today. You will always be in my heart. I just can’t visit *that spot* again. I know you understand.

To my loved ones who will have to deal with my passing – cremate me and throw me to the wind. I don’t even need a special spot to be let go – ok, I want to be set free over the ocean. Just make absolutely sure I am not put in some urn and placed on a mantle or I will come back and haunt whoever does that to me.

I mean it. And trust me, I won’t be like that silly Casper ghost either.

I was trolling Facebook the other day and came across a slide show from Nithya Shanti called Tips for a better life.

While most of this is purely common sense, I think sometimes we need to see it in black and white to remind ourselves how important each one of these items are.

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did the previous year.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
23. Don’t compare your life to others’. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don’t compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
38. Share this with someone you care about

Let’s just call Friday ‘doctor day’.

It started with a cold stethoscope and a few coughs to make sure my lungs were clear as I have been battling the flu bug for two weeks, and it took a turn for the worse a couple of days ago. I wanted to make sure it is not turning into something that will make me even pissier than I already am (I have a history of both strep and sinus infections). Doctor said it was a standard flu bug and sent me on my way with a bottle of codeine cough syrup and an inhaler and asked me to call them in two weeks if I am not finally better.

Oh yeah, before the doctor let me get out his front door – he sat me down and gave me a tetanus shot. Figured he might as well get me while I too weak to fight. Kidding. Kind of.

After a quick break for lunch, I headed to the labs for an ultrasound of my left boob. I had my first (ever) mammogram last month and the technician found some ‘oddities’, so they asked me to come in for another mammogram, which I did this past Tuesday. Not being able to get a clear picture then has me back at the labs today, this time for an ultrasound.

I tried to live tweet the ultrasound, you know, because I could.

I am happy to report all seems to be good and it was ’simply’ multiple benign cysts. Will go back in for another mammogram next year to make sure nothing else is brewing, but I am happy to have gone through the steps and hopefully resolved this for good.

UPDATE 2/23/09: Adds links from Flickr posts.

Two weeks in and I am still battling the Kathleen Turner voice (tired of hearing it sounds sexy), the sore throat, the never ending mounds of flem coming out of my sinuses and the feeling of not wanting to do a damn thing but sleep.

This must stop.

I have been sucking down the codeine cough syrup in the hopes it pulls the flem out of my body. I am sleeping (sort of) with the inhaler next to my side, ready to pump twice if my lungs don’t play nicely. And I am applying Abreva every 3 hours as my body seems to think it hilarious to kick me when I am down and decided I need a cold sore on my mouth now too.

Gah. Damn it all to hell.

You should get a tetanus shot every 10 years?

Yeah. Neither did I.

I was visiting my new doctor the other day to check into a serious chest cold I was battling when the subject of tetanus shots came up. When the doctor learned it had been about *cough* 20 years *cough* since my last shot, I was immediately escorted to a nurse who proceeded to stick a needle into my arm and then note my chart that I was now ‘current’.

While the nurse was administering the tetanus shot, I was told it would hurt for a couple of days, but honestly – I never really felt it (well, I didn’t feel it until Heuer went to hug me and pushed on the area), but otherwise, it really was no biggie. When I think about it, feeling the liquid enter my arm through the syringe affected me more than the shot itself did.

I am lucky to be able to get by 20 years without a tetanus shot, but I think it might be best for every one to get in and get this vaccine every 10 years *just in case*. With all the crazy stuff we come into contact with today, there is no excuse NOT to be prepared.

Went in this morning for another mammogram since my first scan was not clear.

The first mammogram didn’t hurt, this time she almost brought me to tears. The technician squished the hell out of my left boob – again, and again, and again, and again.

After four scans, the technician and doctor are still undecided.

Seems this white circle near the bottom in my left boob is causing them a little concern. So we have scheduled an ultrasound this coming Friday and will see where we go from there.

TRY AND DO EVERYTHING BETTER.

That’s it.